My Birthday is coming up !!

Dear mom, dad, Rachel and Garry ( yeah ... I do know you guys are reading this blog : I have that magic thing called *statcounter* that keeps me in the know... So glad you all know that I tend to get drunk quite frenquently and own a flashlight )



Since you all grew tired of my stupid answers about birthday gifts many years ago and simply stoped asking me , I though I'd surprise you this year and make a real AND plausible list. I know, I'm that great !!





So here we go :







Books !! I do know that at the spead I get through them, getting a library card would be a better idea but I just LOVE the smell of new books.

But it can't be just any books though ! The intellectual in me needs chick lit...










Flip-Flops !! No, one can never have enough of those. Ever.











A Lomo Oktomat. I know ! So cool !!

"A camera that captures a tiny, eight-frame action sequence with one press. Uses 35 mm films." I soooooooooo need that !!









Mr. Potato Head. Just because.










And finally, my very own chocolate cake. Because I always had to share mine and it's about time I get one JUST FOR ME !! I'm that self centered...






Oh ! And Happy "April Fool's Day" birthday to you too Rachel !! I know : I just had to plug our very serious birth date... I wish you a day without any crisis with some time for yourself. But your turn : What should I get you ?? I'll take any reasonable suggestion... But it's got to be for YOURSELF and should include no kids or husband. Sorry !

Statistics...

29% of us think about a former love at least once a week

53% read their horoscopes regularly

90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us

85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear

85% of women wear the wrong bra size

45% believe in ghosts

58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't

47% drink straight from the carton when nobody else is around

22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink

Nearly 1/3 of women color their hair

62% of us pop our zits

30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat

50 % of couples admitted that they are incompatible when it comes to sleeping with their partner

39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet



And my favorite...



Men say the average erect penis is 10". Women say it's 4"




Any other statistics I should add ??



**Quizz**


Since were talking statistics...


My birthday is coming up next Sunday. I know: April Fool's Day. Ha! Ha! How much will I be able to drink ? A bottle of wine to the first person who comes up with the right answer...

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I woke up at 3h15am last night, certain a bomb had just exploded in my building. Very loud and muffled repeating banging, shaking walls and people screaming. But no. It was the F*#!%? upstairs neighbours fighting. Again. And not just in a yelling kind of way. In a huge on-the-floor growling fistfight. Their love match lasted a very long and exasperating 30 minutes which my nephews took as a hint that bedtime was over. Yé !! Notting better than trying to find a kid friendly movie at 4h00 am... After finally setlling the kids back in bed for a "nap" , a mommy and an aunt found themselves listening to a new brawl and fistfight just outside their appartment. Yep ! A very stupid resident thought it would be a good idea to remind the now calm neighbours about the rules and regulations of the building. Hum... That went very well.



This is not the first time this has happened and definitely not the last. The landlord can't do a thing since they are paying rent on time and law enforcement, well just doesn't care.





Any ideas on how to quiet them down at night ? We are very open to any silent poison or voodoo tricks.

Book collection and singlehood...

Going through loads of boxes for books to read over the weekend, I happened to find a though reminder on why I am single and why I shouldn't be allowed to find a boyfriend on my own...



I've always had a thing for bad-boys. Guys that apparently only I saw things in them ; everybody else was just clueless on why the heck I would freely choose to go out with such weirdos.



Over the years, I've developed quite an obsession with a certain category of books. Books I would deliberately place on coffee tables, bedstands or bathroom shelves and really hope the guys would fumble through them. But I never got quite that lucky and I am now the proud owner of books such as : The art of civilized conversation, Etiquette for dummies, Little book of manners for boys and children books such as How to speak politely and why, How to behave and why and finally Manners can be fun.



Yep ; most of my exes where great sophisticated crowd charmers. But I am now a quite bored single gal still waiting for her friends to fix her up. Got the message guys ??

Rants and other bits...

- I've been feeling quite exhausted lately ; falling asleep everywhere, even on rehearsals while playing. My brain feels off most of the time and I've had the hardest time keeping my concentration for the past 2 weeks. Most of the time, I feel like a headless chicken running nowhere. And a sore one ; my entire body aches as well. Sore muscles as if I'd just ran an entire marathon. And infernal migraines to top it off. I should have it checked out but I'm just too exhausted to do so...





- Election day is coming soon over here and I've decided to do the most responsible thing and not vote. Well, the most responsible thing for me. I've always made fun of the whole thing ever since I've had the right to vote, by putting my vote in for the fake parties, like the Rhino* who promised to put asphalt on the entire St.Lawrence River, in order to get a bigger and more efficient highway throughout the province. Or for the independent guy who promised to rise the minimum wage to $20 / hour and legalize weed. Surprisingly enough, none of my favorites ever got elected... Call me stupid but I just find it a bit hypocrite to go in and vote for the one I think lied fewer times than the others. So instead of standing in line in the cold for a few hours, I'll just stay home, have a beer and watch a good old sappy movie.





- I've been avoiding many friends lately. This is the time of the year where I hire some trumpet players for either some Big Band jobs or for the Easter period. I've had my favorites for the past few years but I am also looking for new faces. What's the best diplomatic way to tell a friend : I'm sorry but you're just not good enough ?






Off to bed now. How's your week going so far ?

Because I said so...

Random rambling:






** I had been feeling crappy and grumpy and craving weird things like tapioca and salt and vinegar chips for the last week or so and just found out why : turns out I was ovulating (I know some of you will be very pleased to know...). I hadn't done so, on my own and whitout any medical help, in many many years and had forgotten how it felt. How the hell do you gals do it every month ??





** I had the weirdest dream last night : I was competing in some kind of music contest to win a customized Louis Vuton bag. The competition was set in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere in Congo. I got bored after a while and decided to leave by taking the stairs down. On the sixth floor, I realized the staircase wasn't safe. I managed to open the big door in front of me and ended up on a beach. I then got pissed because I was wearing a huge wool sweater. I walked up a street and ended up at a drugstore that sold bathingsuit. Turns out there was one on hold for me ! But the ugly lady refused to give it to me until I ate all the candies in the store. I left, screaming. Walking toward the beach, I ended up on the ski slopes in Lake Placid, all the while gigantic speakers kept repeating: I told you so. I told you so. I told you so.





What the heck was that all about ??





** I took a cab on my way to work on Monday. After a few stops to drop my nephews and my sister, the driver started a non-sense speach about how people who are not white-MALE-from Quebec-with-2.5 kids-and a white picket fence- are worth shit. I then managed to tell him that since I was a FEMALE -definitely not born in Quebec-with no kids, I couldn't relate to what he was saying. He kept for himself for the remaining of the trip. Morron.




**********************************************************





How's your week going so far ??

Weird...

Some valentine's message I received this morning...




Anonymous



A special thought for a special valentine


Love is a form of amnesia, during which a woman forgets that there are 1,222,978,173 other men in the world.



Also…




We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.




You should definitely think about it.




Crap. Now I'll have to drink AND think tonight ?



What do you think ??

Because I'm quirky and weird...

**Update**



I feel like I did in kindergarden...


I've received a valentine !!! Wooohoooo !!!


But wait a minute, I've only received ONE so far !? Crap...

Priceless...

A one night condo-rental in the country ? Somehow, Free



2 bottles of raspberry vodka ? $45



2 l. of cranberry juice ? $2



8 shot glasses ? Free.





A video of 4 musician emptying those bottles while playing Captain Poof ? Priceless





For everything else, there's Tylenol...














Yep, that video is in french. And yes, I am only taking a sip of that shooter ; I was allowed to take a breather for that one. We actually drank 25 shooters each that evening. How do we know ? We noted each and every single one of them. You can actually see our accountant on my left, in the video ! And the screaming hand is also proving quite accordingly how far along we were...

Because I have things to say...

... but way too chicken to say it to their face.


















Yes, we do obscene gestures every single time we pass your house. And it makes us feel so much better.












I am still not able to blame it all on you. I am getting better at it though. I am definitely not making excuses for you anymore.










I love you to death. And will always do. I'll never eat chocolate sundays the same way.











I might be your emotional support but you are my hero in more ways than you think.









You are definitely not a saint and yes, there are many problems in your family. Just admit it, damn it !









I missed you for a very long time, than reunited with you. It made me realise that I wasn't missing out on much.











If you weren't gay, I'd have a mad crush on you.









You are weird and quirky. And not in a good way.









I didn't loose your number. I just didn't feel like talking to you.









Yes, I HAD to move out. Waking up with your roommate sitting on the floor and watching you sleep is creepy.









My hole face lights up every time I think of you.








Yes, I'm the one who put the knives in the freezer. S took the blame for me , just because. He was that nice.







You had no right to skip life the way you did. After 10 years, I am still very angry at you. And still very, very sad. You should had at least given out some sort of explanation. I miss you. A lot.








Yes, we did some hanky-panky under that table. And I have absolutely no shame about it. You should give it a try ; it might take out that giant stick off your ass.



Yes missy, we all know you two are a couple ; you can unglued yourself now. Nobody will try to steal him from you ; he's all yours.






It was indeed expired milk and not plain yogurt. I am sooo sorry.










Feeling so much better now !







How about you ?