We drove to Ottawa on Friday and visited our mom at the Hospital. Seeing her like that was very hard on us.
Her prognostic ?
Well...
If you ask HER:
She's fine. She's even leaving this afternoon and going back to work on Monday. She's perfectly healthy. Why do we keep bothering her ? And could we bring her her laptop so she can start working on those important files that were left hanging ?
If you ask the NURSES and DOCTORS:
She stays in the Hospital until next Friday. They are then moving her to a Full Time Rehabilitation Center for at least 3 weeks. The Aphasia should resolve itself in about a month or so ; she is, however, 50 % paralysed on her left side and the doctors are not sure about that one.
Her speech is doing much better. She is still struggling with words when tired.
She can do about 10 meters at snales speed with a walker before loosing her balance.
She can't hold an empty plastic cup with her left hand...
She should be able to walk with a cane in about a month. The cane will be permanent.
She may not be able to drive a car again...
And you have those depression signs.
My nephew asked if Grand-ma still loved him. When asked why, he mentionned that since Grand-ma's heart and head needed some repairs, he was worried that the loving part was damaged. And that's when you really start weeping.
My mom had a stroke last night.
An other one.
It took her some time to recover the last time ; she had problems with her memory and every day tasks. The recovery will take much more energy this time: not only her memory is affected but her speech and motion are as well.
I spoke to her this evening. She didnt recognized my voice. She knew who I was ; absolutely no problems with that ! But she didnt recognized my voice ; and I could tell by her tone that it scared the hell out of her as well.
Then it hit me: I might be getting old but she is getting older. And I am so not ready for that.
My biological clock is back on the wall. It's not ticking though. Well, not that I know of ! I'm not saying that I want a baby RIGH NOW. But in the near future ? Hell yes ! The problem is: I can't seem to find that special someone to make babies with.
One could say that I still have plenty of time... True. I'm about to turn 30 ; I'm still young. The fact is, everybody around me seems to be pregnant. Friends, collegues, friends of friends, cousins... Even my favorite little sister (who is 9 years YOUNGER than me by the way ) is expecting !! And the oh ! so many blogs that I read like a junky: they all just had a baby, about to have one or on their way to adoption !
And then you have the fear of not being a good mother. I didn't grew up in a normal family (believe me , I have a fairly broad definition of that word, so bear with me) My mother chose to have kids for some very wrong reasons. And left. She is back in our life but I am in my late 20s now and I don't need a mom like I did some 20 years ago. And my dad ? He had kids because it was the social thing to do. And he did nothing else. I learned pretty early in life that having costudy of your kids and being a father figure are 2 very different things. Nothing bad happened. Nothing happened. Point. We were grasping for his attention to a point that I even got kicked out of school, in grade 8, for selling hard liquor in a field trip ! The punishment ? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even an evil eye...
And that makes me wonder. Will I ever end up like them ? I'm just hoping genetics has nothing to do with the way one raise his children and more with personal beliefs.
We had a good support system around us growing up though. Neighbours, teachers and each others. We were taught to be accepting of others, regardless of their color, gender, faith, origin or sexual orientation. We learned not to judge anybody. And we grew up knowing that we were allowed to fall in love with whoever we wanted. As long as that special someone had or used to have only 2 legs, a beating heart and a working brain.
But back to my biological clock...
I've been single for over a year now. I'm actually calling it my Sabbatical. I needed some real "me" time after my last relationship ended ; Time to get to know myself again and time to heal, psychologically and physically. I am ready to date again but I can't seem to find anyone. And I'm not that picky !! I am not even looking for a specific type... I'm just looking for love. Unconditional love that is... In the mean time, I am also a firm believer that you can't choose who you love ; Love chooses you. Can it be my turn now, please ?
Is it too much asking or its just that Valentine's Day depression talking ??
I'll be spending 3 weeks in France this summer doing a tour with two different Wind Orchestras. I also booked an extra week to do some solo travelling afterward...
Any suggestions on where I should go ? I was thinking Corsica and Northen Italy. Or Spain.. or the UK ? WAY too many options !
In the mean time, I'm also looking for someone (or something... not really picky here ! ) trustworthy living in Paris who could keep an eye on my trumpets while I'm travelling...
HELP !!
And one would think we'd have enought snow already !
They even have the guts to casually mention that Light Snow is expected this afternoon. Yep ! Light Snow ?!?! We are expecting 25 cm of Light Snow...
